My feet are wrought of balsa

First, a preview in the Guardian of
lyricist MF Doom and
comedian Lewis Black (scroll down). Both aren't my best work, and to be honest, I did like the preview of Doom's show in The Onion, San Francisco edition. But I was tired and busy and yada yada yada.

Speaking of busy, it's tough trying to look for a career-oriented job while working a pay-the-bills job at the same time. In a sense, I asked for it. I wanted to know more about working nearly 40 hours a week, while trying to work late nights, while seeking a career. Part of me, sick as it may sound, wanted to deliberately struggle, to have aches and mental fatigue from a long day at work. I think to myself that I've been kind of spoiled, I don't really appreciate how hard my parents work. So I'm trying to re-create that sort of atmosphere...it's hard to describe. I want to make ends meet, but I also want to see what it's like when I don't have the luxury of waking up at noon, taking 2 classes, then falling back asleep. My mom thinks I'm insane, because I'm going backwards from what many kids seem to want, to either perpetuate or improve upon their current lifestyle. This holds especially true for children of immigrants. Upon arriving here, many newcomers have little, and try to stress the importance of hard work and school to their kids. The kids, in turn, attempt to gain some sort of upward social mobility.

Yet, in a sense, I am going "backwards." Why? Well, part of it is out of necessity as I do need some money. But there is also a strange curiosity for me in working a 12-hour day. It's as if I am really earning my money, and my body could not agree with me more. My entire lower body pulsates with soreness.

What's weird is that I can feel a transformation taking place, I am becoming more confident and battle-tested, I spark conversations, I weather difficulties. Even as I wear and tear my body, physically and mentally, I feel myself getting stronger. It's kind of like mental football practice, the constant, intense grind builds and builds and builds muscles that you didn't even know you had. I can almost feel new muscles forming, tightening, bulging.

The problem is, what's the cost? I'm dead tired, but have to leave my apartment at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I had no weekend to speak of (work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so working on weekend nighs is not highly recommended).

I plan on trying this out for a little bit of time (fist job= temp). Hope I can parlay some of the money and job skills to something bigger and better.